Having a thankful heart...

I have always cherished the relationships in my life....my friends and family are so important to me! This year, more than ever, I am so thankful for the amazing people God has blessed me with. Sometimes it takes almost losing the people you love in order to TRULY appreciate them. The first half of the year was filled with heartache, medical issues, pain, fear and chaos. I did a lot of praying and trusting that God would lead me in the right direction. I needed to be quiet and listen. "The Lord will fight for you and you need only be still" Exodus 14:14. I have learned the hard way, that trying to overthink and over control situations only causes more stress. God has set all the people in place to help me...trusting that all will be ok in the end is the hard part!

Being thankful is something we so quickly forget about when the hard times come. God does not say that life will be easy, he promises hard times. He tells us that hard times will come and he will be right by our side through it all. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12:9. In times of adversity, God may be using you as an example. Will you hold your head high.... smile and be positive...pray and trust that the Lord has your best interest at heart? Showing my own weaknesses and leaning on others has been a huge lesson for me to learn. Your friends, family and strangers are all watching and taking mental notes. Setting an example of great faith and strength may help lead someone else down their path a little stronger as well.

Even in the darkest moments this year, I could see all the blessings that were bestowed upon me. Now that time has passed and I can see things with clear eyes... I can see all that was set up... the people placed in my life... the timing of everything! Now things are falling into place...things aren't perfect...they never will be...but I have never felt more content and happy with who I am as a person and the direction my life is taking! I choose to live each day with an open happy heart...choosing the write in my heart that each and every day is the best day EVER!

True mankind....

In times of crisis most people start to wonder what's happened to mankind? Why do these tragic events occur? Sometimes it seems never ending. The news sensationalizes it and encourages fear....almost sensationalizing the person who victimized everyone. Does anyone remember just one name of the kids from the Newtown shooting? There were 26 of them...and one shooter...how many people remember the shooters name? In Colorado, a man killed 12 and injured 58...can you name one of the people that was watching the movie??? Or do you just remember the shooters name and picture his bright orange hair and wide mugs shot eyes? The media focuses so much on the person that commits the crime and does not honor the people that died...or the people that saved or helped so many!

Those tragic events are so senseless and my heart aches for all that are affected. Its not just the people that were injured...the people that responded, the passerby's, the innocent people that happened to be there and the families of the injured and the victims that did not make it. All those people are affected as well. Their lives will never be the same....something as tragic as that...changes you!

I look at these events and do not wonder about mankind...I can see it. Only one person committed the crimes...and hundreds of people gather together to help! I watched the video right as the blast occurred at the Boston Marathon today. Within seconds, there were dozens of people running towards the victims to come to their aid. They could have been in harms way themselves....but no one seemed to even consider that at the time. True human nature came out...people helping people...simply because it was the right thing to do. They would not get a bonus pay at the end of the day...they would not get an award...you may not hear a thank you...they may never see the person they saved again and some of them were not first responders, but they did it because its what you do when someone needs you! I watched a group of men pull apart a fence to get to the injured....people running to get supplies...a woman carrying another woman on her back...a man wrapping a small child in his  arms to get him to help...people providing comfort to others.

There was a tragic event today...but I have not lost hope in mankind...I saw so much sadness and so much kindness at the same time! Just like with the Newtown shooting, Colorado shooting and 9/11...so many people were hero's...jumping in and helping others, not because they have to...but because their heart lead them too! That gives me hope for our future!

The evolution of the photo trip

Our first photo trip was so simple...but you would have thought that they unleashed two 13 year old girls that saw a shopping mall for the first time. We spent hours running around an almond orchard taking pictures of flowers and bees...barns and houses. Something was opened up in my soul...I found a friend that shared my passion in life.....awe...so perfect! I had already known Marcia for many years...but did not start our close friendship until seven years ago.

We still talk about the things that we would flip out about and get so excited to take pictures of in the beginning....we would see a windmill....cow...horse....weed flower...and literally stop traffic to get a picture of it. We were excited to just get out of the house for a few hours to get pictures of anything. Little did we know that those small experiences would build a life long friendship and make our photo trips about so much more than just a friend and a camera.

We have seen so many places, met incredible people with awesome stories, watched more sunrises and sunsets than I can count, sang songs on the top of our lungs, we created a "name" for ourselves and a move to go with it, and shared some of the best and most difficult life situations along the way.

I think of all the cool things we have experienced. We search out and find every covered bridge in the state. We have driven on Highway 1 from Oregon to Mexico. We have been to Yosemite and Lake Tahoe more times than I can count and have explored so much! We have driven and had adventures in almost all of the major places in California. We have explored dirt roads to no where...just in case there was something cool at the end. We have driven our rental cars in ways that would shame a demolition derby....don't worry, we get the insurance. We have explored all of San Francisco...even finding the "real Lombard" street. We saw "the end of the earth" or at least that's what it looked like to us.

Now our photo trips are less about photo taking and more about singing in the car...dancing like no one is looking....eating really good food in a hole in the wall place....talking to people in a small town while sipping coffee....antique shopping...did I say eating???? I could go on a photo trip now and not even bring my camera....and it would be the best trip ever!

Friday we leave for our next photo trip...off to table top mountain for some wildflower pictures. The funny part about it is...all Marcia and I have talked about is being able to spend time with my cousins (and their dogs) ;) where will we eat....oh and we must get some Dutch brothers coffee! Don't get me wrong...I will bring my camera and take a 1000 pics....but I love how our photo trips have evolved and grown....and we have too!

Serendipity

Have you ever had one of those moments that everything aligns and it's a divine moment....i call it a serendipity moment. The dictionary meaning of Serendipity; "happy accident" or "pleasant surprise"; specifically, the accident of finding something good or useful while not specifically searching for it.
Rob's 35th birthday was yesterday....I was anticipating this day...knowing this was the first year we would celebrate his birthday without him. My friend Jessica and I went to the cemetery together and brought a red balloon with a note attached to release. As we were sitting there, I started telling her that I just wish I could feel his presence with me.....I miss him so much! She told me to just be in the moment...listen...feel...stop over thinking. What great advice....God was working through her. I almost can't believe what happened next....
The balloon that had been floating behind me for a significant period of time....swung around and hit me in the face....the sun came out and Jess said "that's Rob telling you he is here" as she said that, the balloon swung around again and hit me. Still not really believing it was Rob....I said, " if I could see a hawk, I would feel better right now" (rob used to raise hawks...it was his thing....he loved them...so I have always felt a connection with hawks and rob) No sooner did the words leave my mouth, Jessica said..."look up". A hawk was flying towards us over the trees....it came directly above us and circled for what felt like a year...but realistically was five minutes. I felt a great sense of peace....like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt a little more healed from the pain of his death. After the hawk flew away and i started taking it all in...I started to feel overwhelmed and cried again....and no sooner...the hawk was back....circling directly above our heads again. The hawk left as soon as i was calm.
It felt unreal...I needed a sign...I needed to know everything was going to be ok. What a gift I was given....what a blessing. He was there with me...was it God? Was it Rob? Or was it just a hawk passing by at the right time? No one knows for sure....there's no firm answer. However, I believe nothing happens by chance, there are no coincidences in life, we can choose to open our eyes to our daily blessings and serendipity moments or we can just focus on the negative.
I don't know for sure what the hawk was....but I do know that we were out there for over an hour and no hawks flew by....and the moment I asked for one...it appeared. I choose to believe that it was a symbol of peace...a symbol that Rob is ok...and I will be ok too! It was a moment that God knew I needed in order to move forward in my grief. I had been asking for a sign for 9 months...but asking to see something with your eyes closed is pointless.
I am so thankful for Jessica being with me and giving me the strength I needed...and so thankful for the blessing in the form of a hawk.

It takes light to come out of the darkness...

What a powerful statement...."darkness cannot drive out darkness...only light can do that." Staying positive, even in the worst of times is the only way to walk out of the darkness. The other part of that quote is even more powerful, "hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." That is one of the hardest things to do in life....to love when it's not easy to love. Isn't that one of the things that shows our character? How do you love the people that are not easy to love? With compassion? Honesty? Patience? Acceptance? The people in our lives will not be easy to love all the time....that's what makes us human? Hatred is something that will eat at you and damage your own soul. It brings nothing positive to the table...creates nothing good. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to hate someone who genuinely loves you? It's almost impossible.
Life is a journey...it's like a hike...sometimes it's a smooth straight road, while other times it feels like you are walking up a hill so steep that it seems impossible to make it to the top. Its a choice to keep hiking or turn around...to save yourself the pain. If you decide to push through the pain, you reach the peak of the mountain....you feel such a great feeling of accomplishment and exhaustion at the same time. I would not take back any of my exhausting hikes because the scars created along the way have enabled me to let go of so many unnecessary wasted negative feelings....and probably made me appreciate those straight roads even more.
So...I choose light to come out of my darkness and I choose to keep climbing up my mountain...never turning around...never giving up....and always staying positive!