Rob's 35th birthday was yesterday....I was anticipating this day...knowing this was the first year we would celebrate his birthday without him. My friend Jessica and I went to the cemetery together and brought a red balloon with a note attached to release. As we were sitting there, I started telling her that I just wish I could feel his presence with me.....I miss him so much! She told me to just be in the moment...listen...feel...stop over thinking. What great advice....God was working through her. I almost can't believe what happened next....
The balloon that had been floating behind me for a significant period of time....swung around and hit me in the face....the sun came out and Jess said "that's Rob telling you he is here" as she said that, the balloon swung around again and hit me. Still not really believing it was Rob....I said, " if I could see a hawk, I would feel better right now" (rob used to raise hawks...it was his thing....he loved them...so I have always felt a connection with hawks and rob) No sooner did the words leave my mouth, Jessica said..."look up". A hawk was flying towards us over the trees....it came directly above us and circled for what felt like a year...but realistically was five minutes. I felt a great sense of peace....like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt a little more healed from the pain of his death. After the hawk flew away and i started taking it all in...I started to feel overwhelmed and cried again....and no sooner...the hawk was back....circling directly above our heads again. The hawk left as soon as i was calm.
It felt unreal...I needed a sign...I needed to know everything was going to be ok. What a gift I was given....what a blessing. He was there with me...was it God? Was it Rob? Or was it just a hawk passing by at the right time? No one knows for sure....there's no firm answer. However, I believe nothing happens by chance, there are no coincidences in life, we can choose to open our eyes to our daily blessings and serendipity moments or we can just focus on the negative.
I don't know for sure what the hawk was....but I do know that we were out there for over an hour and no hawks flew by....and the moment I asked for one...it appeared. I choose to believe that it was a symbol of peace...a symbol that Rob is ok...and I will be ok too! It was a moment that God knew I needed in order to move forward in my grief. I had been asking for a sign for 9 months...but asking to see something with your eyes closed is pointless.
I am so thankful for Jessica being with me and giving me the strength I needed...and so thankful for the blessing in the form of a hawk.
