Love to a whole new level...My babies birth story!

Just when you think you know what love is...not just one...but two babies are born and love was on fire. I knew that I loved John very early in our relationship and just knew he was the one after the second date. I thought that love could not get any better or more instant than that. Then it happened.

I had a rough pregnancy and did not enjoy it at all. I threw up the entire time, broke two ribs from throwing up, had muscle spasms, got gestational diabetes and could not stand for more than a few minutes without being in pain. I loved the babies when they were inside me but I never enjoyed the time because I was so miserable. I had complications and was in and out of the hospital the weeks before I delivered so when I started having contractions on August 28th, I thought that I would go into the hospital and they would stop them...then I would go home. Never did I imagine that they would tell me that the babies would come today. They gave me every medication to try to stop labor, some making me feel like I had the flu and make me want to crawl out of my own skin. I labored all night long...and when the doctor came in the next morning he said that there was nothing else they could do...the babies were coming and since they were both breech, it would be a c-section. My mind started spinning. It was to early, they are not done cooking, they need more time inside me or they will not survive, I still have 7 weeks until they are born, IT IS NOT TIME! I started having guilt, Why couldn't I keep them in longer? Did I do something to cause this? Did I walk around to much? Did I lift something I shouldn't have? It is amazing what your mind will do when fear takes over.

So here is the thing about life, we make plans and LIFE changes them. I had less than an hour to come to terms with all the possibilities that were to come. The babies may come out and not be breathing on their own, I may not even see the babies until the next day, they may have to put them on machines, and I will be recovering from surgery. It was a lot to take in when you are not prepared at all for it. I prayed, hugged my husband and trusted that God already knew all this was going to happen and HIS PLAN was better than mine. Not to say that made it easy, but I know that God will always carry me through each plan he has for us.

The babies were born and the sweet sound of crying happened moments later. There was NO better sound in the world. THEY WERE ALIVE AND BREATHING. I thanked God for that first blessing and trusted that he had the right people there to care for them. My husband was able to go with the babies to the NICU and stay with them and a few hours later they wheeled me in on the hospital bed to see them. They were hooked up to machines, had IVs in their arms and were in the enclosed incubators. They opened the small holes on the side and let me touch their tiny little feet. I wanted to grab them and wrap them in my arms and tell them I loved them so much, but for now touching tiny toes would have to do.

In the days to follow, we were able to hold them, feed them and snuggle them. I started realizing that I would be in the hospital for 4-5 days and they would be there much longer than that. That meant that I would have to go home and leave them there. I am a very logical person in general. I don't usually work off emotions, I think logically and can deal with things that way. When the doctor discharged me I thought I had it all worked out in my head. It made sense....the babies had to stay here....they need the extra care that I can't provide at home. My husband and I walked out of the hospital and got in the car...I still felt confident that things were ok. Then he pulled out of the parking lot and I burst into tears. I was leaving the hospital without my babies. That is not how it is supposed to be. You leave the hospital and your baby comes with you. That is what all my friends did, that is how it is supposed to be...but it was my reality. Logic went out the window and all I could base my thoughts on was raw emotion. How could I just leave my babies behind and go home? What was I going to do at home? Watch TV? Read a book? Nothing sounded ok...I wanted to be with my babies....so we dropped off our stuff and drove right back. Each time I had to leave after that was a burst of emotions and tears but each time got a little easier knowing that they were in good hands and soon they would be home with us.
I am a planner. I am super organized and always have my ducks in a row, but unfortunately I have learned in the past few years that no matter how much you plan, sometimes God has a different plan and he throws you the curve ball, God gives me the choice to run and catch that curve ball or watch it land and complain that I did not catch it. Once again, I choose to catch that curve ball and run with it. I choose to see God's blessings in all the hard times. I saw all the blessings in that time in the NICU...the amazing nurses that taught us so much about caring for preemies, the friends and family that came everyday to visit, cook us meals and offer their support, my husband and I grew much closer and a bond that I never knew was possible was created. I also saw our friends who had struggles in their life,

healing by helping us care for these precious miracles.
My due date is 6 days away and I still think week by week that they would still be growing in my belly but I get to hold them in my arms. My sweet babies are home now, I think that I appreciate them a little more than I would have if they were born full term. I realize how fortunate I am to have them here with me and cherish each moment with them.

In the words of Junior...Heeeyyyyyyyyy!

I have always had the thought process of living every day like it is your last. I want to not only enjoy all that life has to offer, but LOVE every second of it. It is a choice...I can stay at home and watch TV or I can go out and enjoy all the beautiful things God has to offer with all the people I love. This is a thought process that my friend Junior shared with me and we often would talk about enjoying ALL moments in life with the people we love. 

If you were one of the lucky people that knew Junior, you were blessed. He changed you...you had no choice...his positive attitude and constant laughter was addictive. I can still close my eyes and imagine him walking in the house with a bottle of Gentleman Jack yelling "Hhhheeeyyyyyy." His smile was always so big that it seemed to reach his ears. He never greeted you with a handshake or nod, always a GINORMOUS hug. His voice was so loud and always a happy tone. He was the cheerleader for everything in life. If you told him something special was going on in your life, he wanted to know every detail and would be more excited then you were. He always had ideas on how to help my photography business and wanted me to succeed. Encouraging words and great ideas were his specialty...he was never negative about anything. He wanted the people that he loved to be happy and successful. 

Junior knew how to make every situation special. We spent every birthday together for each one of us and he was the first person to make sure that the plans were made and it was special. One of my birthdays we went to a wine tasting event...after the tasting there was supposed to be a DJ and dancing. We were all excited for the dancing to begin. Once the music started it felt like an awkward 8th grade school dance. Everyone stood on the edges of the room and the dance floor was empty. It took about a half of a song of this for Junior to change things up. He asked if I wanted to dance and when my answer was yes...but no one is dancing....his response was....Let's fix that. HE DID. He slid on the dance floor and did his cowboy dance move and started hollering for us to join him. We had so much fun that night and were all a sweaty mess by the time they closed. This is just one of the million memories I have with him. He wanted everyone to feel special and important. He wanted everyone to always have a good time. His soul was HAPPY and if you spent 30 seconds with him, your soul was happy too. 

There was no one like him in the world...he left an impression on everyone he met. He was a great example of a husband, loving Catarina with all of his soul. He would see her walk in the room and his eyes would light up. Few people get to experience that type of love. His love and devotion to his girls was admirable. He spent so much time making sure those girls knew their daddy loved them...he wanted them to be the best at everything. His example as a son and friend is something I hope that people carry with them and learn from...change who they are and become more like Junior. All I can think of is, if we had more Junior's in the world...it would be a better place. 

It makes me sad to know that my kids will never get to meet him. He was such a huge part of our life. We will make sure to keep his memory alive forever, sharing memories and pictures as the years pass. It is hard to understand why something like this would happen to such a great man...but instead of questioning it, I choose to still love him and honor his memory by living life to the fullest everyday. I hope you are still watching over us Junior and every now and then holler out a HEEEEYYYY to me and give me that GINORMOUS hug!