Love to a whole new level...My babies birth story!

Just when you think you know what love is...not just one...but two babies are born and love was on fire. I knew that I loved John very early in our relationship and just knew he was the one after the second date. I thought that love could not get any better or more instant than that. Then it happened.

I had a rough pregnancy and did not enjoy it at all. I threw up the entire time, broke two ribs from throwing up, had muscle spasms, got gestational diabetes and could not stand for more than a few minutes without being in pain. I loved the babies when they were inside me but I never enjoyed the time because I was so miserable. I had complications and was in and out of the hospital the weeks before I delivered so when I started having contractions on August 28th, I thought that I would go into the hospital and they would stop them...then I would go home. Never did I imagine that they would tell me that the babies would come today. They gave me every medication to try to stop labor, some making me feel like I had the flu and make me want to crawl out of my own skin. I labored all night long...and when the doctor came in the next morning he said that there was nothing else they could do...the babies were coming and since they were both breech, it would be a c-section. My mind started spinning. It was to early, they are not done cooking, they need more time inside me or they will not survive, I still have 7 weeks until they are born, IT IS NOT TIME! I started having guilt, Why couldn't I keep them in longer? Did I do something to cause this? Did I walk around to much? Did I lift something I shouldn't have? It is amazing what your mind will do when fear takes over.

So here is the thing about life, we make plans and LIFE changes them. I had less than an hour to come to terms with all the possibilities that were to come. The babies may come out and not be breathing on their own, I may not even see the babies until the next day, they may have to put them on machines, and I will be recovering from surgery. It was a lot to take in when you are not prepared at all for it. I prayed, hugged my husband and trusted that God already knew all this was going to happen and HIS PLAN was better than mine. Not to say that made it easy, but I know that God will always carry me through each plan he has for us.

The babies were born and the sweet sound of crying happened moments later. There was NO better sound in the world. THEY WERE ALIVE AND BREATHING. I thanked God for that first blessing and trusted that he had the right people there to care for them. My husband was able to go with the babies to the NICU and stay with them and a few hours later they wheeled me in on the hospital bed to see them. They were hooked up to machines, had IVs in their arms and were in the enclosed incubators. They opened the small holes on the side and let me touch their tiny little feet. I wanted to grab them and wrap them in my arms and tell them I loved them so much, but for now touching tiny toes would have to do.

In the days to follow, we were able to hold them, feed them and snuggle them. I started realizing that I would be in the hospital for 4-5 days and they would be there much longer than that. That meant that I would have to go home and leave them there. I am a very logical person in general. I don't usually work off emotions, I think logically and can deal with things that way. When the doctor discharged me I thought I had it all worked out in my head. It made sense....the babies had to stay here....they need the extra care that I can't provide at home. My husband and I walked out of the hospital and got in the car...I still felt confident that things were ok. Then he pulled out of the parking lot and I burst into tears. I was leaving the hospital without my babies. That is not how it is supposed to be. You leave the hospital and your baby comes with you. That is what all my friends did, that is how it is supposed to be...but it was my reality. Logic went out the window and all I could base my thoughts on was raw emotion. How could I just leave my babies behind and go home? What was I going to do at home? Watch TV? Read a book? Nothing sounded ok...I wanted to be with my babies....so we dropped off our stuff and drove right back. Each time I had to leave after that was a burst of emotions and tears but each time got a little easier knowing that they were in good hands and soon they would be home with us.
I am a planner. I am super organized and always have my ducks in a row, but unfortunately I have learned in the past few years that no matter how much you plan, sometimes God has a different plan and he throws you the curve ball, God gives me the choice to run and catch that curve ball or watch it land and complain that I did not catch it. Once again, I choose to catch that curve ball and run with it. I choose to see God's blessings in all the hard times. I saw all the blessings in that time in the NICU...the amazing nurses that taught us so much about caring for preemies, the friends and family that came everyday to visit, cook us meals and offer their support, my husband and I grew much closer and a bond that I never knew was possible was created. I also saw our friends who had struggles in their life,

healing by helping us care for these precious miracles.
My due date is 6 days away and I still think week by week that they would still be growing in my belly but I get to hold them in my arms. My sweet babies are home now, I think that I appreciate them a little more than I would have if they were born full term. I realize how fortunate I am to have them here with me and cherish each moment with them.