The meaning of Life...

We don't give kids enough credit. To often we dismiss what they have to say because "they are just kids", they don't have the life experience to have knowledge. I believe that life experience does create knowledge, however with life experience comes baggage and pain. Think back to your "first love"....that love was the most pure because no one before that person had hurt you, disappointed you or showed you that relationships should be anything but "love". Over time, that changes. We become jaded and less trusting with our hearts. Kids know how to love that "pure love".

Gabe always has a million questions. Usually this is one of the things that I love about him...but yesterday my patience was running thin. I was tired from work, going to the gym and I still had errands to run. Gabe and I are walking through Target and his million questions start. "why do turtles have short legs?" "do you think its a good idea to start my own business when I get older?" The list goes on. So...since my patience was short...I asked him, "What's your next question going to be, What's the meaning of life?" He very innocently said..."No, I already know the answer to that question, It's loving other people." I stopped dead in my tracks and was in awe at the maturity and innocence in that statement. It's so true.

Since children do not understand "romantic love", I know the kind of love Gabe was speaking of was the type you have for your friends and family. Some people we love because they have been in our lives so long that its just a natural feeling...never a thought...just an instinctual feeling. Other love for friends comes with time. Learning to trust someone, having things in common with someone, being there for the person when they need you the most and accepting them for their good and bad qualities.

There is a saying that you learn who your real friends are when times get tough. I have learned that this last month. I have learned who is there for me and who is not. Who answers there phone when I need a shoulder to lean on and who does not. I have two close friends that have sat on the phone with me until I fell asleep so I would not have to fall asleep alone...friends that drop everything in that moment so that I can cry because a "first" has happened and I miss him more than words can say. I have friends that laid next to me and just let me cry...never judging or telling me that it's going to be ok...cause they love me enough not to lie. Friends that keep me busy and call and check on me to just make sure I am ok. All these friends have busy lives and have so much on their own plates...but LOVE me enough to be there for me. I am fortunate to have so many great people in my life.

Living alone is something that I have always loved...until now! My house is more empty now that Rob is not here...I did not realize how much I really did not live alone until he was not here to keep me company anymore. It seems like my grief gets a little harder as time goes on...because the more time that passes, is not time that I heal...its more time that I realize that he is not here anymore....It's not a bad dream...it's reality. Life must move forward and go on...but there will not be a day that I do not miss my Robbie Jeagle....