I have faith in a plan much bigger and greater than my own....I believe that people, situations and life experiences are put in place for me to grow as a person. Sometimes, it feels overwhelming and I wonder if God thinks that I am superwoman?!?!?!
I have a wonderful, blessed life and I believe that our attitudes and behaviors dictate how happy we are each day. However, there are circumstances in life that throw curve balls at us and make the decision to be happy each day a little harder! Is this a test from God? To see if we are going to continue to honor the life he has given us by choosing happiness? I feel like I have had a million baseballs thrown at me all at once this year. Between Gabriel's hospitalizations, the deaths of 4 people (one of them being my best friend) and the betrayal of a close friend...I feel overwhelmed to say the least. If God does not give me more than I can handle...I must be able to handle a lot.
Everything in life is a learning experience....or I should say...it can be a learning experience. We choose to learn and grow or be sad and bitter. Maybe this is a time in my life to see my own strengths...to hold my head high but to also show my weakness and reach out to others for their strength. This may be the time in my life that I can show that I need others. I have always had several balls juggling in the air all at once....never dropping any of them. I am the one that gives advice to the friend that needs it, has my emotions always put together and handles emergency situations with grace. This is the first time in my life that I have truly NEEDED other people. It scares me to need someone else....makes me feel vulnerable.
The pastor that I have been talking to during this time has given me insight into so many things. He has opened my eyes to relationships in my life...the healthy and unhealthy ones. He has helped me see what I deserve and don't deserve and that it is ok to ask for help and be vulnerable. He has made me realize that there are selfish people out there....the people in my life that are selfish are betraying me because I am not there for them right now...I am not the strong one....I am the one that needs help and not everything revolves around them. Several people have told me that "people show their true colors when someone passes away." I totally agree now.
Since I believe happiness is a choice...I am doing my best everyday to look at the good in life...smile and laugh everyday. It's not always easy...the easy thing would be to pull the covers over my face every morning and pretend that God did not give me another day to enjoy! I have always thought of life as a gift....and continue to focus on that gift. I want to see things, go places, meet new people, eat good food, enjoy and laugh with family and friends....and all of that is A CHOICE!!!
There are no guarantees in life...no time clock saying how long we will be here....no guarantee that we will have it "easy".....so i just try to make the best out of everything that happens...good and bad. So as the curve balls in life are thrown at me...I will dodge and catch them. I will not let the balls knock me over...no matter how hard it gets....and keep a smile on my face as I do it!
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