Just when you think you're doing ok....

The alarm goes off and my first thought was...it will be a good day. Go through each morning routine...no different than any other day. I tried to think happy thoughts and remember all the good birthdays we spent together....it will work this year....I won't be sad....my heart won't ache to hear his voice. Then it happened. The chime of my phone, Facebook reminding me that it's his birthday and asking if I want to send him a gift. Then, my heart sank. Of course I want to wish him a happy birthday and send him a gift. Of course I want to call him and give him a hug....but it won't happen. It's just another reminder that he is not here. 

I do so well for long periods of time now. I miss him and ALWAYS think of him but I no longer end up in a different town when I am supposed to go to work...yell at the target lady for asking how my day is going....cry to the handy man for asking if I have anyone to install the product for me. If you consider all those things....I am doing great. But, it does not make me miss him any less....it does not make it any less difficult to not celebrate his birthday...it does not make me want to hear his voice any less. I just miss him! And I always will! I know that all things happen for a reason and he is always watching over me....it's just a matter of getting used to the new normal. 

Grief is a roller coaster ride that no one asked to ride on. It's all about how you decide to ride the ride. Roller coasters are always scary and fear is something I won't let control my life. I will take each emotion as they come and deal with it but still live everyday as if it were my last. It's what I have gained most from this roller coaster ride....LIVE each day....LOVE each day and never leave ANY words unspoken. I hope your soaring in the sky today Robbie.